Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
