I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize