Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
