she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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