He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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