i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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