dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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