Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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