I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
