Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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