you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
