I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
