Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
