Even the bartender felt bad for me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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