turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
