Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
