omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize