how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
