This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
