Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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