it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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