I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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