Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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