I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
