Sponge bath it is.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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