Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
