i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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