I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am available for nakedness
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
