whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
