I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
