would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
