Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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