then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
