I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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