I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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