life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
