Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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