"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize