At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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