not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
