the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
