Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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