end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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