I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize