THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
