i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
