so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize