you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
