If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Randomize
