i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
