Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
