now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
