We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There r osticjed everywhere
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
