gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
