This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
