just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Come on in and take your pants off
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