don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What a dumb baby whore.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
