First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
