Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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