you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
