he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
me + whiskey = a bad person
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
