too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
