upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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