he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
