for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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